And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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