I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
