Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
