By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
