OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
