im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
