it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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