My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
