just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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