I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
