If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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