Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
