If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
