So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
