I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
