I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize