Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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