I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
