is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The adults are the big ones right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
