In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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