So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
