his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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