i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize