So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
