I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
