There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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