I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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