My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
