You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
