hotel room ftw
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
