My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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