Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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