she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
