is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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