Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
