Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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