White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
