he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
