Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
