I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
