Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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