It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
