My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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