Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i would punch a child for taco bell
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
