Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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