I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
