I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i already hear my dad disowning me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
