We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
