turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
