I have demons in me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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