btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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