Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
