He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
