I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize