He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
