Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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