Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
