he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
