Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
