The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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