I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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