I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
