I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
