i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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