walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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