i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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