STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
