Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry about my life...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
