Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize