Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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