Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
