She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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