She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the day after is always just damage control
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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