My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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