i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
