You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
