It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
