I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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