I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
