I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
