I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
