we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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