as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
