i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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