There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
