Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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