Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
