I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
