I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
