you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
