i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
