Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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