I feel great
I just peed on a car
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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