and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize