How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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