woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
