i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize