That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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