I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
