If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
