I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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