I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
