I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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