i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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