i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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