hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
