I didn't shave. On purpose
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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