I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
