So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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